I woke up and the police surrounded me screaming that I was in a domestic violence altercation with a police officer, my soon-to-be-ex Aldon. Aldon told the police that I attacked him, and as a fellow officer, his lies carried more weight than my truth. I tried to tell the police that I didn’t fight my boyfriend; I fought a girl, her brother, and Aldon’s mother. They ignored my screams and attempted to handcuff me. I couldn’t believe the shit I was seeing with my own eyes: the man I was just laying in bed with an hour prior watched me get jumped then lied to police so that I could get arrested. So I did what any logical woman who was getting falsely arrested for punching an officer would do. I wrapped my keys around my knuckles punched Aldon in the face. I figured if I was going to jail for assault, it might as well be worth it. Off to jail I went.
In the back of the squad car, I felt so alone. I once again felt abandoned by a man I loved, who was supposed to love me.
At 27, I started dating this drug dealer named *Mack. Mack told me he was a manager and had a regular desk job. I wasn’t really feeling him at first, but I eventually, I fell in love. I worried more about his feelings than my own. So even when I was uncomfortable, I played comfortable. I ended up loving him more than I loved anything. There were times I was asked to transport money across the country for him, and I did that. There were times I was asked to travel with drugs, and I did that, too. I did it all because I wanted to show a person who loved me that I was down for him… and that was when I abandoned myself.
I thought he needed someone to be down for him, so I was his Bonnie. If he fell off and needed cash, it was my job to be there. When he needed a place to lay his head, I signed lease. He would leave for weeks, and those weeks turned into months. I still thought I needed to stay down. I thought I had found the only guy who didn’t cheat, so I needed to hold on to him. Then, I found sex stains on his clothes that didn’t come from me as well as dick pics in his phone that were never sent to me. We’d been together for years and he’d never felt comfortable enough with his body to send me sexy pics, but he was confident enough to send one to another woman. What happened to our bond and all the shit I’d done for him? I put him before myself. I risked my freedom and put his needs before myself. This was the ultimate feeling of abandonment: knowing I had abandoned myself.
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Girl!!! If someone handed me this script and told me it was fiction, I would have believed it. I can’t believe this is something you went through! Did y’all ever talk again? About the pregnancy?
I was crying with a bald up face once I made it to page 3! Them dam officers ain’t never been shit! They always did everything but protect and serve! U are so strong baby girl. U rock! Hell I admire u. I’m proud that God allowed u to face your fear n part ways with it! Abandonment was your fear! It’s clear to see that u now love Icis! That means all that you endured from your past is helping build who u are now! You are smart you are beautiful you are unique very creative and not to mention talentive! Now that u have been through to get too honey u better keep climbing the mountain of success. U can only move up from here! It’s ok not to forget your past… But it’s a weight lifted when you move on from it.. Love ya #Heavy